It just occurred to me, that whenever my life has a sudden change and i have to either find a new path, replace something that was lost or just continue with something old with just a few small alterations, i usually end up creating a sort of double life for myself, in that rather than focusing all my time on sorting out whatever problems i am having or whatever needs actual work on, I'll end up running away from them, travelling just to get away, making new friends and new plans in a new place, rather than focusing on the more long term things that will be in my life, i don't have the time to just sit and think, to just think on what am i going to do, how do i fix all this mess, i could be using my time more efficiently, but then is it really that efficient? is this really all going to be good in the end? im spending so much time away just to keep busy, that the life I've temporarily left behind is just suffering even more, not being resolved, not being worked, it will all still be sat there when i get home.
This got me thinking in the way of closure, its always something people talk about in many different ways, i always thought it was just something people said because they loved a bit of drama, where as i avoid the drama in my own life, they always want more and more just to have some climatic end to something just to make sure it has actually ended, so maybe thats why i'm having to go away, to just get away, because i never really had that grand closure, i let it all fade out and replaced anything i used to have, used to miss, getting little bits from person to person, i never really had a dramatic climatic ending, so in that sense has it really ended? will i ever be able to really carry and move on, or am i just doomed to carry on in this pattern of a double life?
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