Shoulda, Woulda, Dont Bothera.

It’s interesting how many times people I know decide on a partner based on the “shoulds” of other people rather than their own instincts and what they want for a real relationship and real feelings, having said that real love is something you have to work at, it doesn’t just fall into your lap and magic off the TV screen when you’re watching a film. You just have to be honest with yourself and don’t settle, I used to settle so much, which basically the only box I had to tick was “Anyone’s fine”, I just became more stern and strict with myself, and asked myself, which I wished people would do around me, “are the boxes my partner ticks mine or are they what others think is right for me?” If those ticks are things that seem good on paper but aren’t important to you, they’re just things that sound like values of a knight on a white horse or some other fictional character that just isn’t real, maybe you’re not getting butterflies for a good reason. If, on the other hand, people value the person they’re with and who they are, maybe it’s about working on the romance. The second thing people need to do is talk to each other. I can’t count on all the fingers on my hand, toes on my feet and hairs on my head, how many times there was no conversation, no exchange of ideas, values, thoughts or anything to structure the base of the relationship, I always see it, is if you want to be in the relationship and make it work, you will make plans for the future, because you subconsciously and consciously see you still working on it and being together in the months to come, maybe making a plan to be more spontaneous and try to inject some passion or events will make less of I “should” be with them, to more of an I “want” to be with them, and if there are still no flutters, maybe the relationship you find yourself in just wasn’t meant to be, and you should be more realistic in the future.

Have You Ever Had That Moment?

It was when i was walking home with you, and it was quite dark and late, we were both walking back to yours, and I was holding your hand and we were both just so quiet, and suddenly i stopped, and i spun you around by your hand that i was holding, and I kissed you, with one of those deep, close kisses, and everything around us just seemed to stop, just for a moment, and i looked at you, right into your eyes and told you that i loved you, and i could just feel the words coming out of my mouth, not like i was just saying them to you, but like i really felt the meaning of them, coming out of my mouth and past my lips, and i knew then, i really do love you, and I could just tell I was never going to stop.

Optimissm Amongst Friends.

Recently I’ve noticed, though I’ve been single for quite some time now, as I had a bad experience with my last relationship and others before that, since then I’ve been trying to search for my one, for something real, so I haven’t been wanting to rush into anything serious without getting to know that person first and have been wanting purely friendship, just to rebuild my confidence and faith in that what we see in the movies isn’t fake and does really exist somewhere, but I’ve noticed, that the term “just friends” is getting to the point where it’s easier said than done, when did it become an automatic reflex for people to start reading between the lines of a simple gesture of friendship with pessimism that something is wanted in return, when did it become near to impossible for an act of simple decency, caring for the sake of caring, to not be misconstrued and twisted into something that it’s not, maybe the saying two people can never just be friends has more truth to it than people think, I’ll just be hopeful that my one comes sooner rather than later, before any more friendships become complicated and tense for no real reason, but I was just wondering, if there really is a way to establish some sort of friendship with someone?, without just blurting out to a person you’ve only just met about your relationship history and making things even more tense than they have to be, is there an effective way to get into the “just friends zone” with someone?

Monotone Men.

I have a real bad habit of when the passion in my relationships, fades from them, I usually move on to find someone new, for something different, where everything is unexpected and fresh, so far in my active love life 14 months has been my longest relationship, which thinking about it seriously isn’t that long, is it?, am I always to be evacuating from my relationships when things turn gray? I mean I like the idea of long term love but not at the cost of the heat and the romance and the must admit hot passionate sex. I'm always scared that forever I’ll be always running away when everything turns monotone, or maybe on the opposite side of things I’ll just settle for a love that isn’t quite full and whole, but still you have to be optimistic towards life or you might as well just give up now right? Maybe I just need to look for Mr. right and not Mr. right now in a more constructive manner, I have a tendency to always rush into a relationship, I have never had it where we are friends first, getting to know each other, dating, having the first, second and third date, its always hello we’re together, and then spending the “relationship” together learning about each other until I discover something I don’t really like or cannot see me getting used to, and ending it after several months, which isn’t at all healthy in any sense, I still learn lessons and the what not to do’s, but still thinking on it now, I would go back, and change it all, id make so many decisions, which would basically be the opposites of the ones I actually made, maybe then I wouldn’t be dreaming of a car crash amnesia patient who weirdly resembles me.

New Batteries In Your Radar?

He’s lying to you, why can’t you see it, people can’t read between the lines these days, not even when the lines are miles apart and its all written in red, his gestures are always stiff and infrequent, he’s always touching his face, his throat, covering his mouth every time you ask a question, “so where were you?”, “why didn't you pick up?”, and the answers are so vague and shoddy, but you still buy it anyways, he’s always sweating more and more, breathing heavier like you’re getting closer to the real goings on, shuffling around objects like they don’t want to be there, and acting so awkward like someone being told off by a teacher, I could try to help you by pointing out the lies, I could change the subject abruptly and I can guarantee he would go along with whatever I chose, be it even the colour of your new shoes, which he wouldn’t care about in the slightest, but would still go along with the conversation flip, and even when I make it aware to you that he is clearly covering up something, you’re still acting like a blind moron, and your radar is clearly switched off.

Its Not The "Him", Its The "We"

Seriously? What do you miss, you don’t miss him, and it’s doubtful you miss the relationship, you just miss going around and being able to say “we” and talk to other couples and be like oh I'm a couple too, clearly you were “in love” at the beginning so you said but I doubt you would have ever fallen for him in the first place if you had met him as you know him now, you wouldn’t even take a second glance and probably not even remember his name the following day, you’re basically getting upset over someone that just doesn’t exist anymore, maybe you should just stop, just stop, just stop thinking about him, focus on yourself for once, being in that trap, you’ve clearly forgotten what you want and what you need, maybe you just need to get to know yourself again? And please be smart, have some self respect, don’t try to stay friends, it doesn’t work, otherwise you’d be friends and you wouldn’t have been together in the first place if it was even feasible, being friends now would flare up the urge of want, of need, to yearn for that which is lost and broken, and if you pursue it, you too will be lost and broken, just stop being a needy twat and move on.

Snow White Was Clearly Fiction.

How would you feel if the one person that made you feel that word, which was far too taboo to say, because it just did not make any sense to you, because that person was someone you didn’t even really know, that their presence in your life was merely just an idea, a picture, a thought or a word, what would you be? what would you have become? would you find yourself so dependent on that person to make you happy, with the thought of what could be, or what could never be, would you find yourself using them as your one to compare others to?, it just really makes you think, of how much you really need them in your life in the first place, like maybe their your white knight, your prince charming, just waiting for them to show up, like it’s said in sex and the city, What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a health care plan and moved on with her life? would they be your one example to compare every person to, in a meeting with some new, you find your first thoughts jump to, he has nicer eyes, a nicer smile, he makes me happier, i lov.., but no you shouldn’t, because that would be stupid, right?, is it that you find yourself thinking those thoughts, having that feeling, that he's your word, your idea, but what if those people, who get so fixated on their own thoughts, which are so out of this world ridiculous, are so scared of what could be that they don’t take a chance anymore, that they hide in their boxes, behind a sneering remark, or harsh words and angry faces, then really, what am i?, what have i let myself become, do you find that you can do nothing about it, that you can’t escape, utterly stuck with your dream of what can never be, but wanting it so badly, more than any money can buy, having thoughts of, i know what i want, but i just can never have it, because it doesn’t want to be found by me, he, doesn’t want to be found by me, and i just want to cry, why aren’t people just opening their eyes to reality and not fabricating one around them, are some of us going to be waiting in our glass boxes forever?